What if Batman is Dilophosaurus man?
by Ecaille13
Summary: Welcome to one of the usual night of our most favorite Scaled Knight of all, Dilophosaurus Man!
**Good morning folks! This your favorite Earth 1945's reporter, Vicki Ryder. For the ones who doesn't know me YET, you may better know my dad Vic Vale or/and my fabulous mommy Jack Ryder. Today we're gonna follow the best cretaceous knight of all time, who save normal people and me from every danger, Dilophosaurus man! Nessie's cousin, cloning, radioactive Dilophosaurus's bite? No one has plausible explications of his origins. Fortunately for you my dear audience, thanks to a call from a witness who we don't say the name but who is called Alfred and pictures, we succeed to create a conjectural day of Dilophosaurus man which may can help you fan and others stalkers to meet your scaled savior.**

 **-Disclaimer: I do not own Dc comics Batman, Jurassic Park, their characters, Rihanna's songs, Barbie and Ken, Frozen(It makes sense in context).**

 **-Huh, Vicki why did you say that?**

 **-Then, let's start this:**

 _-6+22am Teeth brushing_

Alfred: So what we have today… Magpie, Condiment King, Killer Moth. Scratch and eat three villain in a night, are you on a diet Master Bruce?

 _-07:27am Preparation of the day_

Robin: Selina Kyle is takin' a shower, Harley slowly eat bananas and Poison ivy wearing Fall shoes while we're in Spring. What we doing first, Bruce?

D-man: Well, why you doesn't remove this titanium wall between us, first?

Robin: Hum, are you going to harm me?

D-man: Nooo, I'm so hungry that I would probably eat you in one bite

Robin **:*removing the titanium wall*** Oh, I'm at ease that… What!?

 _-9:28am Fancy driving in West Gotham_

Robin: ***In Dilophosaurus man's belly*** I don't like it at all. Make me out!

D-man: You don't like the dilocycle, you don't like my stomach. It would be good to make a choice now!

Gordon: ***In a Gcpd car*** D-man, I arrest you for speeding ticket.

D-man: ***Brake with him*** Gordon, you forgot my phone number again?

Gordon: Yeah, the Joker replace it with a nursing home one. ***The rear of Gordon's car is smashed by another car***

Bullock: Sorry, Montoya was driving. Women you know… ***Laugh***

Montoya: YOU were driving.

Bullock: ***Anxious*** Yeah, was me.

Montoya: Side change, Bullock? I can give you some of my skirts if you want.

D-man: Why you bring them with you?

Gordon: Well…

Montoya: Gordon, you're arrested for sabotages of the sky traffic. ***Handcuffs him***

D-man: I told you that this dilo-signal was a terrible idea.

 ***Man bat fall on Gordon's car***

 _-10:0am and 21s Last training before a dog contest_

Ivy: ***Give a carrot to a hypnotized Dilophosaurus man*** Yeah, jump higher and I will be certain to winning!

Robin: Huh, Ivy I like your performance and your wig but what's the link with the nature?

Ivy: Oh, I need the bucks of the reward for Ariana Grande's concert, she's vegan you know?

Robin: It wouldn't be smarter and easier to using your meta-human power to enter?

Ivy: Hehe, but you forgot something…

Robin: And whaAhhhhhhh! ***Being attacked by Dilophosaurus man***

Ivy: Nobody mess with Poison Ivy's wig! This and the nature of course.

Robin: Dragged by a drag what's iroAhhh! Stop!

Ivy: Clever girl.

D-man: I'm a man!

 _-12:1 quarter to, Deep and cold philosophy in a fridge store_

D-man: ***Has just create a hole thanks to his bites in Mister Freeze's chest*** See Freeze, you doesn't have any heart.

Freeze: Yeah, but this is the right side…

 _-1:40pm "NO WAY I came here, NOOO!" Riddles at Gotham's random building_

Riddler: Sooo… D-man ready for a bunch and a bunch of wonderful riddles?

D-man: NO!

Riddler: You doesn't have the choice!

D-man: Okay, okay at least it's not mathematics…

Riddler: So I'm sure that you notices all the easter eggs in this masterpiece of literature from Ecaille13?

D-man: No.

Riddler: Just listening! Well, your little brain would know that all of your adventure today have an easter egg written on it.

D-man: You have of lot of time to waste.

Riddler: Speaking of that, I hope that you have the time, time, time… ***say a great many time "time"***

D-man: I understand…

Riddler: Tttiiiiiiiiiiiimmmmmmmmeeeeeeee!

D-man: OKAY! There's a clue with the TIME!

Riddler: You see when you want! So, at least that you doesn't find all the easter eggs I doesn't allow you to defeat me! Hahaha! ***Take spitting poison in his eyes***

D-man: See ya.

 _2:39mp Child play at Krank co. Toys factory_

Wesker: Hey, I was the first, dimdo

Peyton: He's mine now, old man!

Belzer: Retire before I eat your brains, Ken and Barbie

Peyton: Put some makeup on before, Sadako!

Scarface: Someone help me!

D-man: Leave the puppet alone, you very… bizarre… people!

Scarface: Thanks… ***Has maggots in his cracked forehead, lacks the left eye with the hole's full of mascara and rotten eggs, pink-painted lips drilled by nails and finally wears a unicorn's horn, fairy's wings and a tutu***

D-man: Ahhhh! ***Run away***

Wesker: Well, that's wasn't expected…

Peyton: Who's up for nail polish?!

Belzer: Sleazy and gray for me!

 _-3:40pm InGeN, sorry Ace Chemicals fighting_

Bane: ***Will breaks D-man's back*** Ah! Want a battle with the top of the food chain, D-man? Take that! ***Give a big kick against D-man's back***

D-man: Argghhh! Buuurppp! ***Puking a lot of poison on Bane shoes***

Bane: No, that's copperhead skin! ***skids due to the poison puddle and fall in a tank***. My eyes! The glasses do nothing!

Joker: ***Broom the ground*** Tss! Tss! D-man, this is déjà vu!

Creeper: ***Sneak his arm around him*** I understand your pain, buddy.

Joker: Don't dare to touch me!

Creeper: As you want! But Harley found this cute that we're kissing

Joker: Harley found what?!

Harley: Say cheese! ***Takes pictures of: Creeper kissing Joker's forehead, D-man and Bane's nose kissing, herself kissing Joker's ear and D-man and Joker kiss on the "censored"*** I will earn a ton of bucks!

Ivy: Harley! You forget me!

Harley: Ah, don't worry, red! I have a larger piece of filmstrip just for us! ***naughty look***

Ivy: Clever girl ***gesture a kiss with her hand***

 _-4:9pm Dinette at Gotham's library_

Mad Hatter: Oh, a visitor do you want some tea and sweets? Cause today is, a very happy unbirthd…

D-man: That's my birthday, today

Mad hatter: Killjoy.

 _-05:01pm Dating in the sewers_

Killer croc: ***With a bunch of flowers*** Oh, why can't you commit? Don't be afraid of how you feel!

D-man: ***Run away*** For the second time, I'm a man!

 _-6 &30pm Ostrich hiding at the Iceberg Lounge_

Robin: D-man you sure this is a good idea?

D-man: Don't worry, you just have to hold their attention a little bit and during this I'll hiding between Penguin's umbrellas.

Robin: Okay, but why you spray at me Horseradish sauce?

D-man: Better not to notice you and taste.

Robin: Hmph… Just do it.

 _Same hour:58pm Bird flippin' at the I.L's secret room_

Thug: Boss are you alright?

Penguin: No! All of you has forgot that today is a special day for me.

Thug: Oh yeah, I remember… Kind of birthday?

Penguin: Yesss! And who's birthday?

Thug: Uhhh… Ah! Joker and you partner's birthday!

Penguin: That's myyy, mine birthday! I will serve your rest to Tiny! Just let me take one of my umbrellas… ***Took D-man disguised in an umbrella*** Hey, this umbrella wasn't here before?

Thug: Yeah, that's a gift for you, boss! For your birthday **!...*Singing with the others thugs*** Because when the sun shines, we'll shine together. Told you I'd be here forever… ***keeps annoying copyright***

Penguin: Where's we pressing on this stupid umbrella?! Ah, find it. ***Press D-man's "bird"***

D-man: ***Surprised and hurl Robin on the ground***

Thugs: ***anxious*** Birthday cake!

Penguin: Four five seconds…

Thug: Before what?

Penguin: Four. Five. SECONDS!…

 _-07:05pm Strange case in Gotham's court_

D-man: Hey Two-face! I only need the half of me to ruin your face!

Two face: ***placid*** Haha, very funny.

 _-8-32pm Reverse role at Monarch Theater_

Clayface(Karlo): ***Speak aloud in a crowd of carton people*** You really think that you can find me, D-man? I can be everywhere and everything!

D-man: Well, I've got this review of your movie "The Terror" from the "Bludhaven's wings"

Clayface: ***Leave his Geisha Shiva costume** * Give me that! ***Read*** They said that my talent is like a teared Killer Frost's mustache which Firefly made the incubation, it is all warmed over… ***Crying and kneeling*** Whyyy! Why! Whyyyyy! Ahh! My tears, they make me melting! I'm melting, melting! What a world! Ohhh… ***Rise from the melting muds*** Did you like it?

D-man: Hmm… I almost missing Joker's puns.

 _-9:40pm Bitter punch lines at a comedy bar_

Joker: So what are you doing here D-man? Want to spiting?! Hahaha!

Harley: Good one boss!

Joker: Yeah! That's a card play and I'll RUFFing you!

Harley: Laughed out loud, Mr J!

Joker: Oh Quiny, I'm in a good way but I prefer to let my dame tease this teeth!

Harley: Hihihi! You're so funny, puddin'! Well… Oh, I got one! Hey Dilophosaurus man, you're just a dildo phallus man! ***wimp***

Joker: ***Death glare to Harley*** Anyway… It's time to bring a smile on this boring face Dilly! ***Use his laugh gas on Dilophosaurus man***

D-man: No! NoooahaAAHAHAHAHAAACHOOOOO! ***Sneeze and spit poison on Joker's eyes***

Harley: ***Look at Joker's face*** Awww puddin'! It's looks like you have a domino mask, just like meee! That's so romantic!

Joker: Yay, my eyes burns for you…

 _-10:31pm Super scary Hydraulic power plant_

Scarecrow: Gotham will drink the suffering of the fear, D-man! And you cannot beat me, you little lizard. It's time to you to face your own fears! ***release terror gas on D-man***

Catwoman: Youhou, Bruuuuce! I lost my bras!

D-man: What!? Cause you used to wearing bras?

Catwoman: Come protect me Bruce, I'm so scared!

D-man: I come my kitty cat!

Catwoman: Aw Bruce, I always know you want more than CHATting with me! Hahahaha! ***Turn into the Joker in bride suit***

D-man: Wow, that's dress really fit you Joker.

Joker: ***romantic*** Do what you have to do, fool.

D-man: ***Kneeling*** Joker do you want to marry me?

Joker: I believe that you never asked me, especially my little bun in the oven ***Show his pregnant stomach with a door on it***. Open it, honey…

D-man: Okay even if it's strange ***Open the door***

Harley Quinn: ***As a chibi jack-in-the-box*** Love is an open door, daddy!

D-man: ***Wake up from his nightmare*** Ahhh! You touch a heartstrings Scarecrow, I'll make you pay for this!

-Clock King: A few moment later… Did I will really get payed for this?

Scarecrow: ***panic*** Please stop it, bring me back to Arkham but just stop it!

Robin: D-man what did you do to scared so much the Scarecrow?

D-man: That's simple, Scarecrow suffer from chiroptophobia, so I use the better thing to attract bats… The batusi! ***Start to dance***

Scarecrow: No! Stop it! ***Jump from the top of Gotham's waterfall***

D-man: Well, this Halloween besotted get what's he wants.

Robin: What did you mean?

D-man: A long Fall!

Robin: ***Jump from the top of Gotham's waterfall too***

 _12÷4pm Midnight at Ally's zoo and kiss slap at "Chez Michelle"_

Robin: ***On the phone*** Bruce? You really think this is a good idea that I come here alone? I just say, you wouldn't find this boring to not fight with me?

D-man: Nah! In plus you asking me to having the Dilomobile for the weekend, so do this and I will be able to believe you. Hey mademoiselle! Huh, I mean I've got to go! Good luck! ***rings off***

Robin: Okay… So where did I go, first?

?: Hey, Drake!

Robin: Ah! A witch, please don't burn me in your oven!

Babs: That's me Tim! Batgirl!

Robin: Yeah, I know it Babs! I want you to thought that I was in distress so you would take confidence!

Babs: No… Really?

Robin: Yeah, kind of… Can I say somethin' ***Loud noise***

Babs: Not now! We have to run to this, this is strange

Robin: ***Look at the sky** * Please make that the noise comes from the bunny paddock!

Babs: Here, it comes from this freaky spooky scary dark bunny paddock

Robin: Great…

Clock king: Meanwhile at "Chez Michelle" _0:29 and 04 seconds_

D-man: ***As Bruce, at a restaurant table with a bib*** Wow! Pinch me, I should dreaming!

Selina: Hm, flattering. Soo, what makes a wealthy dinosaur to invite a banal woman like me?

D-man: Banal?! If I could say anything about you I wouldn't saying banal! ***Start to drink his glass of wine***

Selina: Ahah. If we order some amuse-gueule first?

Alfred: ***Costumed as a waiter** * What did you desire, lady?

D-man: ***Surprise to see him and spit his wine on Alfred's face***

Alfred: Red, lovely choice. So, can I suggest something like a caviar or foie gras?

Selina: That's nice but I would make my own choice. I would like a Ratcatcher with his Maxie Zeus Salad

Alfred: And how would you like you Ratcatcher?

Selina: Bloody, with a dash of salt

D-man: ***amaze*** I… I would take the rest…

Alfred: Right! ***Whispers to D-man's ear*** Good choice, master Bruce

Selina: ***Closing D-man's wide open mouth with her index*** Easy, I don't bite. Well, not yet…

D-man: Bo a blum, uh, do a blugh eh ou a blaugh… Wow! ***Makes Selina laugh***

Clock King: Meanwhile… Again

Babs: Faster! They run away from us!

Robin: *** In a zoo's buggy*** Hey! Is that coach is enough for the princess?

Babs: Enough… Now, let me drive! ***Push Robin and crazy driving***

Robin: Warning, you will hurt him! *** The buggy hit the stranger***

Babs: Oops, sorry. Hey but I know him...

Jason: Hello Barbie! Happy to see me again?

Robabs: Ahhh! ***Run away from him***

Jason: You can run but no one can escape to the Robin of Gotham past!

Dick: Except the Robin of Gotham present!

Robin: Ahhh! Hey, Babs?

Babs: ***dreamy*** Hi, Dick. I miss you very much. That's new suit really fit you. You doing sport, nah?

Dick: Yeah, I miss you too, Babe. And even more you, lil'wing ***Grin at Tim***

Robin: ***Jealous and uncomfortable*** Get out of here, right now! ***Babs doesn't move, so he take her arm and literally drag her***

Babs: ***Ecstatic*** Aww! Nightwiiiinnnnnggggggg!

Damian: Watch out! Cause here is the Robin of Gotham yet to come!

Robabs: Aww! He is so cute

Damian: Grr! ***Turn his face in a Beetlejuice coackroach kind***

Babs: Ahhhhh! Robin come, he is creepy!

Robin: Wait the others Robin give you a nickname, I would like to hear his.

Damian: Well, I think I call her B#!?s

Babs: ***Bersek*** How did you call me?! ***Kick Damian in space***

Milo and the terrible trio: Hahahaha ***Hiding***

Babs: Robin come with me in the bush ***Take Robin to the bush***

Shark: Ah! Did you hear the bat babies?

Fox: Yeah! It was delightful, and all of this thanks to this dear Professor Milo who made this gas which create hallucinations! Haha! Just like Jonathan Crane but less expensive!

Shark: Toss toss ***Fake coughing, because Fox's words shocks Milo***

Eagle: You're so awesome and hunky, honey Foxy ***Hug him***

Fox: Eagle! I already told you that I'm not into that stuff!

Robin: Soon you would be in a jail, Fox!

Babs: What did you do Robin, they are more than us and with a lot of weapons!

Robin: Don't be anxious, your hero just played day and night a video game just like that!

Babs: ***Sarcastic*** Oh, we're saved…

Robin: Okay! When I use the flashlight on you, you will be defeat! ***Turn on and turn off the light, repeatedly** * Ah, Oh, Ah, Oh, Ah, Oh, Ah, Oh!

Milo and the terrible trio: Grrr! ***murderous look to Robin***

Robin: ***nervous*** Right, right! When the light doesn't work then use the door interrupter! ***Push a random interrupter***

Babs: Robin, nooo! ***We hearing animal roars*** You just free the killer bunny from Langstrombannog!

Milo and the terrible trio: ***Terrified*** Killer rabbits?!

Shark: Run away, guys!

Fox: ***Running*** It's probable that the rabbits will eat us so… Anyway! I love you eagle!

Eagle: ***Jump in Fox's arms*** Aw! My beast!

Babs: ***Peaceful*** And they happily ever after in Blackgate penitentiary. You can get out, Tim!

Robin: ***Behind the buggy*** I was checking if there wasn't any weapon in the buggy! To give 'em to you, of course! You know, I can beat those Rabbit of something everytime!

Babs: ***Kiss Tim's cheek*** Langstrombannog, Langstrombannog…

Robin: So, they doesn't exist at all?

Babs: Of course not! Just a mix of audio sound and villain's silliness.

Robin: Yeah! And like I said you do all I was told to you to do in my plan! But, Milo and the trio they escape?

Babs: I don't think this, cause something told to me that a genius and charming heroine inform Gordon and the GCPD that they must be waiting around Ally's zoo, tonight.

Robin: Wow! You're tremendous. Like in my plan, of course! Aha…

Babs: ***Walking to the exit with him*** Tim, you want to say something to me, earlier?

Robin: Huh, yeah! I want to say that… I like y… I like that you coming with me to the Opera to see the renewed "Mac badluck" the critics compliment this and her new main role Mary Dahl!

Babs: Yeah, I like it, a lot… ***Both walking slowly under the moonlight***

Clock king: FRrrrr! ***Sleep and snore*** Frrrr! ***Take a dilorang in the face*** Sacré bleu! I mean, meanwhile…

D-man: ***Sweating*** So I… was thinkin' if you, Mrs Kyle…

Selina: Selina, call me Selina. ***Meow look***

D-man: S…Selina, would you like to help…

Selina: I would love to help you, in every way… ***tickle his feet with her own***

D-man: Aw! I… I mean would you helping charity…

Selina: Charity? I'm made for this… Especially for the ones who deserve this… Like you ***wink at him***

D-man: dcgcpdign ***watered down by an extinguisher by Alfred*** Help charity, financially.

Selina: Oh… Well I will donate. What's the name of this association?

D-man: Bastet, it help animals, families, music, dance and joy.

Selina: Just like the real. Do you have a cat?

D-man: No, but I have a dog, Ace. He loves night walk and kitty too

Selina: You're not talking about you, right?

D-man: No! No… Well thanks for your upcoming donation.

Selina: The pleasure was all for me. Well, maybe we see again in the future, mister? ***Get up and leave but one her heels break, makes her falling***

D-man: ***Catch and hold her, they are very close*** Bruce, James Bruce. ***Laugh together*** I… I was thinking that, may I can escort you to your home?

Selina: Eh, you don't know how to talk to a woman?

D-man: Maybe, but I know how to talk to a cat. ***smile***

Selina: Know great.

Alfred: ***Playing violin*** Sorry to interrupt you, but I just remember the house give free spaghetti to our 294th customers and you're the lucky winners! ***Put spaghetti on the table***

Brucelina: ***Smiling***

Calendar man: ***From nowhere*** That's enough folks! Happy everyday!

Clock king: Hey that's my work! You stole it! Abruti

Calendar man: Fight, I triple dare ya! ***Punch Clock King***

Clock king: What? Cause you're able to counting? ***Fight with Calendar man***

Extra: _2:58pm Arkham sweet Arkham_

Harley **: *In the dark*** Aww Mr J, the guards will notice that you're not at the right place!

Harvey: ***Punch the right wall of his cell*** Quite down, next! I try to sleep

Two-face: But me I try to hear them! Now Hush!

Harley: ***pianissimo*** Guys?

Riddler: Hush is here? Where's is he?! Oh my Husky hushie honey! ***Jump hysterically***

Scarecrow: And if is not here? That's your fear, right? There's fear all over here! Hihihi! ***Evil laugh***

Bane: The only thing which scares me is to hear you. Plus I have my Osito to protect me against all monster under my bed! Osito?! Where are you!? ***Scream***

Croc: You call it a roar, I can make better! And you gonna hear me roaaarrr! ***Roar***

Freeze: Stop it, all of that noises shatters my glass helmet! Stop this! ***The suit's alarm activates***

Harley: ***piano*** Guys!

Mad Hatter: Teas? Someone need teaaasssss?! 'Cause today is a very happy unbirthd… ***Sing***

Penguin: Traitor! You talkin' 'bout that while you forget my, mine birthday. Like everyone here! I hate you! Hatin', hatin, hatin'! ***Keep shouting***

Ivy: Sorry not sorry. I couldn't find any flower enough big for being able to eat ya. ***Keep quiet***

Scarface: Hey, is a deautiful and dewitching dady like you need a dig man to cherish her? ***Smack the void***

Wesker: Boss, we aren't in the same cell! ***panic and breathing***

Clayface: Whaaat?! But how the puppet can talk without a ventriloquist? It is a vengeful force that will bring to all of us a terrible revenge?! Please protect us! Protectttt! That's what good, right? I will be a great actor! ***Dance and stomp the ground***

Harley **: *mezzo*** GUYS!

Creeper: ***As a ventriloquist*** Haha! Gotcha! You should see your face!

D-man: Get out of here! You're too boring for being insane and you're too insane for being boring! ***Try to push him***

Harley: ***fortissimo*** GUYS!? ***everyone stop*** Okay, listen. Joker and me trying to having some good time which is very rare because of all things like crime and justice, so would you please let me enjoy this with my PUDDIN'!... Hey, that's not mister J! ***Holding a Joker doll which blows and covers everyone with fish and dilophosaurus' spit** *

Joker: Ah! You guys are really mad! Hahaha!

Everyone except J: ***furious*** JOKER!

The End?


End file.
